I shouldn't feel this way, right?

It's been a while but I feel like I should write about what's going on.

I'm the new captain of the Speech and Debate team. I won an English award for achievement in Writing. I just finished 3 exams and I have finals next month. I'm now officially nearsighted and I have the glasses to prove it. I don't think that I'm single anymore, but I don't think that I even know any more. I'm traveling around the country in the summer and I'm also slowly waiting for music camp in July. The sad thing is that I haven't told anyone.

Trust me, I really want to tell people about my life, but whenever I do, I think about how I'm "bothering people" and "how they really won't listen to what I have to say." That probably isn't true, but you never know. Its sad because I seriously, want to share the excitement of my life with someone. I just can't go up to one of my friends and tell them "Hey! Look I achieved my goal! Aren't you excited?". When I say that I usually get the "oh stellar! I'm happy for you." and then nothing else happens. You know how I feel about making new friends right? Its easy for me to make them, but it is hard for me to "keep" them if you know what I mean. Its like the "mask" thing I was taking about earlier. I want to come of as a "nice person" because that is what I am, but I just don't feel like telling people about how things really are.

I'm just so complex. I want to get to know people and be friends and tell them about all of the things I been through. But I never get that far. Then, I never really get close to people and then I rely on myself to be my best friend.

Yeah sure, I'm getting lonely again, and I pretty sure that I'm going to get all "sad and stuff" again and feel bad about how I feel, and how I'll "eventually feel better" when I'm done being sad. I hate being optimistic because when I do things don't happen the way I want them to, but the one time that it did happen, I was happy for a while.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I'm going to give 100% like I always do, or if I might just slip down to the passing 50% to just float by tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't be an introvert and get angry like I did today.

Mind the Mess...

I'm updating my blog layout right now, so if it looks kind of funky, you know why. I'm trying to put in some new cool stuff, so just wait and be patient :)

In the mean time, why not play a game?