A small experiment...

I decided to see how long it would take for 3 of my "friends" to text me back. Alright, I haven't talked to most of them for a while, but it doesn't hut to try talking to them right? I'll let my tweeting do the explaing for now:

4:37 PM Ok experiment time. I'm going to text 3 friends at once and I'm going to see who replies first, and how long it took them.

4:59:These people really suck. 22 minutes and no reply. Really dudes? 

7:00: 30 minutes, 0 replies. Fuck my life

 7:30: Still no reply. How long has it been?

12:50: I waited all day. No new anything from the 3 people I texted. I'm pissed off, so yes. I'll write a song about this and it will be great.

I can't stand this anymore. I hate it. I hate sitting at home all day, hoping to find something to do with one of my "friends" but everyone is doing something else with someone and it always isn't me.

When I look around at all of my "friends" I feel so far behind them. Sure, I might be smart and everything, but they have boyfriends and girlfriends, they have things to do, but I'm sitting idle, they have fun, and I don't. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone, I wish that I had those things. I wish I had something or someone to interact with.


Like I said before, It is nice to be creative and everything, but I feel like I'm always "looking at the conversation than taking part in one". I feel bad, but what can I change? I'll write more about this later when I have time.

Not again...

I'm doing something new; I decided to write during the after effects of an argument. Right now, I'm shaking and I can't really think straight, but I do have enough focus to write about the things that are making me mad.

OK, let me set the scene; I'm driving in the car with my Mom. I ask her a question on what to do at stop signs, she takes it the wrong way. We drive around for 8 more minutes and then I take out the tape recorder on my phone and record the rest of the conversation. We return home, and then after a 15 minute break I'm replaying the conversation and I'm writing down some of the key events on the tape. When I'm done, I ask my mom if she wants to talk about what happened. She said yes, and then I asked her 3 questions. She clearly wasn't understanding what I was asking so I got more frustrated than normal and I threw my hands down and hit the couch cushion (I was sitting on the couch) and then proceed to hit myself on the forehead with my palm (It didn't hurt that bad). Although I didn't want to say that “everything is always my fault” but I did because she really wasn't listening to anything else that I was saying at that point. Then I told my mom that I needed some space in my room and I slammed the door because she was trying to trying to get in. When I slammed the door for one last time, she entered and I told her to get out, and she didn't. She was yelling at me to “give her a hug” but I told her no 3 times. She clearly wasn't listening. Then I finally told her to leave, and I don't know where she is right now. That is how my day went from great to awful in about 2 hours.

This Saturday, I played in a very successful showcase in front of 700 or so people. I was happy. That whole week, I played guitar, met new people and had fun. I was happy the whole week. I was happy even though my band mate called me “a cold heartless person” and although it made me angry, I kept being happy all week. People wanted to listen to what I said. They wanted to hear my Debate stories, they wanted to hear my jokes, they wanted to hear my guitar playing. They wanted to know me better, and they did. I seen old friends that I haven’t seen in a year or so and they haven't changed. They all know about what's going on, and even if I didn't tell them, they will find out sooner or later, and I know that they wouldn't leave me in this title wave called life.

It's sad because my family isn't like this. I feel like my parents don't want to listen to what I have to say. I feel like they don't care about how hard my life is. I feel like they don't care about me. I wasn’t to talk to them, but I just don't. I haven't talked to my Dad in 3 months. I still haven't given him that letter. When I told my Mom about my intention on giving my Dad that letter, she told me “to not do it” because if I did “then you wouldn't see your friends next week” (aka that whole last paragraph). Now, I feel like that I'm never going to talk to my Mom with some sense of normalcy.

When I was in my room sitting on the floor I told myself that I could just give up now and not worry about dealing with my damn parents ever again. For a while I thought about really beating myself up because I was so angry, but again, just like the time I tried to kill myself, I stopped and the same saying popped back into my head “You can't leave now, You are doing it for them remember?” I then realized that it was a true statement.

I always make promises to people, or that what it is in a nutshell. Let me explain, Last week, my guitar instructor told me that I would be on the cover of Guitar Player magazine one day, and that I would also be the next “big” guitarist. Now what if I end up dying before I could reach any one of these goals? It isn't like I can't reach these goals, they aren't that difficult for me to do (yes, I am that good at guitar) but I just have to make it for just a couple of more days, but I feel like a week goes by so slow now. Yes, I'm afraid like heck, and I'm not quite sure if I could make it or not, but like I always say, something is keeping me here.

I calmed down now, but I'm starting to get very anxious because I don't know what I'm going to do about my family. This week isn't looking very good. Hopefully, I can find something to look forward to.

Single Summer

I woke up today and I started to get that feeling that everything is the same. I don't think it is the "summer life" that is getting to me, but I do think that its because I'm single.

My life is like this: I get up every day, go to work/school, come back home and play guitar for a while, get on-line and check my social networks, play some video games and get ready for bed. Yeah I'm so exciting right? Oh and if I'm not doing one of these things, it must be the weekend and I'm prepping/doing some serious ass kicking at something Debate related. That's even more exciting right? It really isn't. People tell me all the time "Oh you must be really good at Debate/Video Games/Guitar because that is all you do right? You are dedicated and that is awesome!" That is true, but I'm really lacking in the "interacting with people" department. Ironic right? You'd think that a Captain of the Speech and Debate team wouldn't have a problem with talking to other people right? And that is true, I can talk to people whenever I want to, as much as I want to as long as I don't plan on having a serious relationship with them. So in other words, I'm probably going to stay single for a while.

I don't like this thought, but it's true. I already know why; I'm too nice, and I'm just too "awkward" (to hell with that word, I'm finding something else to use). Hate me if you want to, but I've only been in 3 serious relationships in my life, and right before they all broke with me they all said said the same thing; "I like you and everything, but you are just too nice, and it feels like we didn't make it out of the friend stage." The first time I heard it, I was like "What? You have to be kidding me? How can someone be "too nice" in a relationship". I was sad for a while, but it didn't really get to me. Then when I heard it a second time, I said "What? You have to be kidding me? How could I be too nice again?". Then when my most recent ex broke up with me I said "What? You have to be kidding me? Why do they always break up with me like this? Am I just a softie? Am I as soft as jello?" (of course not).As you can tell, I'm not getting anywhere. Its all the same "I like you but (insert bad excuse here)". I don't know if I always go for jackasses or if it's me. I don't want to say that I date jackasses, because that is a lie, but I also don't want to say that its my fault for the lame relationships all the time.

I always used to say "I'm going to die alone with a stack of unpublished books by my bedside. Then people are going to realize that they missed out on a pretty cool person." I also used to say that "My ex is going to date me again when they realized that I was on my way to being someone on this green planet". I don't know what happened, but I stopped saying that. I don't know what happened this time, but I'm saying it again. Although I'm working my hardest to feel better (Trust me, I'm slowly starting to feel better every day!) I really, truly, from the bottom of my being, think that I'm going to die alone with a stack of unpublished books by my bedside.

I don't know what I'm going to do to stop myself from being single. But when I try...(Ok, funny story time). When I try, the person of my interest is taken, or isn't "out of the woods yet". I got involved with this person once, but I found out they were "taken" (they totally weren't! I know this for a fact) but at least I got a good friend out of it who thought that I was awkward and pretty cool. But I don't want to settle for friends, I just want to not be alone, in my room playing guitar on weekends. I don't know how I'm going to do this. There is a voice in my head saying that "Oh, this isn't true, you won't be single for the rest of your life, just wait for a little while longer and things will be great!" but I'm starting to doubt that. It is like waiting for the Tooth Fairy, you have that hope that she "might" come so you stay up late all night but you end up falling asleep. When you do wake up, you see that your tooth is gone. That is how I'm feeling now. I feel like I need to quit waiting around and let nature take its course. But how much longer do I have to wait? I'm starting to give up.

The Hardest Part

I've been trying to write this blog post for a while, but I think that this might be the hardest thing that I've have written in my life. I've been a writer for a while, and although I'm not that old, I've written a lot of things but none of them have taken me this long to write ever. I've been sitting in my room for the better part of three weeks trying to think of how I would write this post. I've gotten pretty close to what I wanted to say, and I think that this is as close as I'll ever get to writing about how I really feel inside and what I've been thinking for a while. Everything that you will read in this blog post is 100% true. I'm not making any of this up so that I could get blog hits, nor am I writing this out of pity to make myself feel better. I'm really writing how I feel, and none of this is going to be self censored by me.

If you haven't know me for that long, or if you known me for a while, you should know that I've been diagnosed with Depression 4 or so years ago, and I've been getting depressive episodes every now and then. But for the past month now, things are just as bad or worse as they were when things first started. Things have gotten so bad, I've been close to killing myself for the past 3 or so years, but last month was the most serious, most extreme attempt that I had. Although I didn't go to the hospital or anything, I was as close as I've ever been to dying.

I didn't really "plan" it but I knew how I was going to do it. I used to be a biology nerd, and I realized that if I cut my Ulnar artery deep enough (the big blue thing traveling through your wrist), then I could just bleed to death and then then everything would be over and that I wouldn't have to deal with anything. I had text messaged several people, and I took those peoples advice and I didn't do anything to badly harm myself. I do have some scars on my left arm, but that was just from "mapping" out where I would cut across my arm. They aren't really deep scars and they healed up quickly.

I haven't really told anyone about this until now because I was afraid of two things; I didn't want to loose my friends, and I didn't want people to think that I'm crazy for trying to kill myself. I'm not sure if you know how that feels. Its like being really sick with a disease. You could tell people that you are sick, and then get the help that you needed, but become increasingly isolated whilst getting better, or you could not tell people that you are sick, do the things that you would normally do, keep the people around you, but die because you didn't get the help that you needed. So you can tell what kind of a place I'm in right now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I know that I'm going to loose some friends when they read this. I know that I'm going to be judged for killing myself. I know that people are going to think that I'm crazy and will just drop talking to me all together. If you are one of those people that will stop talking to me after I'm done saying what I really need to say, I totally understand how you feel, but just remember what you are doing. I don't suggest walking out on a person in need of help, but if you want to do that, then do it.

The second worse day of my life was walking into school the next day and trying to "act" like nothing happened. I didn't put a bandage or anything on my arm (I should have) but I did have on a hoodie in near 90 degree weather. That isn't too uncomon for me because I always wear a hoodie, but some people had to ask me questions. I honestly didn't want to answer back, but I had to. "No nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?". And even if the people that I do know asked me why I looked so "different" that day, I did the "I was up really late looking over my notes for finals, and I didn't really get that much sleep that night." but in reality, I was crying my eyes out which gave me bloodshot eyes, and I didn't sleep that night because I was so scared about what happened. But I just couldn't tell them all that I almost killed myself because I didn't want whatever welfare agency coming to my house, asking me questions, parents going to jail because they didn't do anything and me staying at a foster home because mine is not "safe" anymore. I would have liked to tell someone how I felt, but in reality, why would I do that?

A day or too later, I was in some really hot water with some classmates of mine. I probably won't forget this conversation as long as I live:

Classmate One: "Hey are you alright today? You don't look very good"
Classmate Two:"You look sick, do you need to go to the nurse or anyone?"
Me: "No I'm good."
Classmate Two:"Are you sure? You probably are getting a heatstroke, you should take off that hooide of yours"
Me:(I got lucky because I had bandaged my arm that day) "Alright fine, but I'm only pushing up my sleeve up a little"

{Semi awkward silence}

Classmate One:"Hey whats that on your arm?"
Me:"*slight pause* Do we have to go over this now?"
Classmate One:"Yes. If we don't then we won't know whats wrong with you"

Alright, slight break from me. I could have easily said that I went to the hospital for an IV drip, and those "band-aids" on my arms were from where they missed, but I didn't. I told myself to be brave.

Me:"Well, fine, I cut my arm yesterday, but that’s all I'm telling you"
Classmate Two: "Oh, did you have an accident?"
Me:"Yes. Yes I did. I had a knife in my hand and I sneezed and bam, it slipped and now I got a cut on my arm."
Classmate One:"Wow. At least you are alright"

I don't know if they picked up on the truth that was in my statements, or if they just latched onto the humor in my words. It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that one of them texted me outside of class to see if everything was ok and that "if you wanted to talk about anything, that you I have their number". What does matter is that I did talk to them, but I didn't say anything about being on my floor for 30 minutes thinking about slicing my arm open. That is why I'm writing this. If there is a chance that you are reading this, I'm sorry that I lied, or at least didn't tell you that I was on my floor for 30 minutes.

Now that I think about it, I've been such an jackass to people when I should have been asking for help from them. Here is an example: I was having a really hard day and all I wanted to do is eat my sandwich and leave so I could be alone and play Angry Birds by myself. I was tense and nervous because the night before wasn't a good night for me. All day, people asked me "Hey, are you alright?" and you know how I responded. Someone at our table asked me "Hey, you don't look too good today? Tell us what is wrong." What I did next shocked me because I'm not quick to anger, and I definitely don't get mad when I'm out in public. "Hey NOTHING IS WRONG! QUIT ASKING ME! I'm tired of YOU PEOPLE asking me if I'm ALRIGHT! Just SHUT UP and let me eat IN QUIET!" after that I felt better, but at the same time I didn't feel better at all. I'm sorry if I sounded pretty angry, and I'm sorry if I made your day pretty bad. It's hard when you are trying to hide something, but people want to know if you feel better or not and they keep asking you if you feel ok today and you really don't. It is harder when you are trying to keep something from everyone you know outside your house.

Most of the time when I do get close enough to people to let them in in my life and they release how I'm feeling I never tell them what really happens in my life. I guess you can say that I'm afraid of telling people anything because I'm afraid to get "close". I told my best friend about how things were 3 years ago, but I transferred and I never seen them again. I told my ex how I felt and they told me that "I get to angry, and because I get too angry, I don't need to date them anymore." I told my other "good" friend about this, and they thought that I was "kidding". I can't believe these people sometimes. I know that saying, "If they can't tell when you are serious and when you are joking, they are not your friend" but I don't know what I can say to that. I don't know if that is true or not. Most of the time, my friends know about how "sarcastic I am" and "how I'm very "monotone" (I despise that word! I'm not monotone at all, I'm just tired. Seriously) and how "even if she was sad we would know." but I don't they understand that at all. I'm not saying that everyone thinks I'm this way, but people should take a step back and look at me for what I am, and not what they think that I am. I'm sarcastic because it's my own defense to being picked on for so long (I do know how to use humor to my advantage). I'm "monotone" because you can't here me when I'm excited, heck, I never get excited at school. See me at a debate meet or something, I don't sound bland when I'm doing something that I love. I'm sad; that is true but you know why I don't tell anyone.

Recently, when the days and nights got bad, I took a muscle relaxer and I felt better (it isn't illegal for me, my doctor told me that I'm allowed to take some). When the days and nights got really bad, I've thought about getting "so wasted that I wouldn't wake up on time so that I could skip school the next day to recover, and I'll get wasted the next night so I'll never have to see those people again. Although I didn't do that, I've been having those thoughts more often. I've been getting more risky with myself. I want to get drunk, I want to smoke pot, I want to smoke tobacco so I could just "feel better" but that really won't help me at all because that isn't what I need at all. I need someone to listen. I know that Jack is nice to you if you are nice to him and drink him, and Ben and Jerry are there for you when you need to cry and eat some exotic ice cream. These things are not going to make me feel better at all. Where are my friends when I need them? Because I need them more than I need anyone right now.

I think that I should get a fresh start. Let me take the chance to introduce myself again. I'm a nice person. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm complex. I'm giving. I'm interested in you if you are interested in me. I'm not a freak. I'm awkward sometimes, but if I wasn't awkward, I wouldn't be me. I' get lonely sometimes. I stare at my cell phone and I wonder if I will ever get a text back from the person I texted 4 hours ago. I'm not clingy, I just miss the people I'm with. I wonder if I'll ever be in a “real” relationship. Most of the things you've heard about me are wrong. I'm not that bad when you get to know me. I'm sarcastic sometimes, but that is only when I'm nervous. I'm Captain of the Speech and Debate team. I'm a musician. I record music in my bedroom. I'm afraid to be happy. I’m a blogger. Every night I wish that my life would get a little bet better every day. I collect albums in my spare time. I only had 3 best friends in my life. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I “really” tried to kill myself once, but I promise that I won't as long as you are here on this crazy, crazy ride with me. I want to know about you. Will you let me know you?

I met my hero once at a chance accident at a concert once. (I think they heard about my blog, and they might be reading this now, if so Hi!). Anyway, she told me "Don't quit playing guitar. Keep playing. Keep doing what you do. If you do what you love everyday then you will be happy wherever you are and wherever you go. If you don't remember anything else, remember this: The world needs people like you, and if you end up leaving, then the world will be sad that you are gone. By the way, I like your shirt!" That quote went through my head right when I had my knife next to my wrist. I waited a few moments, and then I realized that I really shouldn't be gone. There is still a lot of stuff that I want to do and I'm going to put my best effort into doing that every day. If you said that, (you know who you are) Thanks for saving my life.

If you read all of this, no matter how long it took you. Thank You too. Thanks for understanding and reading all of this. I might have sounded somewhat bitter, but trust me, I wasn't trying to do that at all. I was just trying to tell the world how I fell and I'm glad that I did. I know you and you want to talk to me, you probably have my number so text me. I'm always with my phone. If you don't know me and you still want to talk to me for some reason, instant message me on aim: riotxgrrlxamy. I'm always online.



Thanks a bunch.

Mad rush of freedom.

This is the last Saturday of my summer vacation and I still have some homework to do. It is also the last Saturday of my summer and I still want to capture my last "mad rush of freedom" that I have left inside of me.  I bet your thinking "well, she still has Saturday and Sunday when she is in school off right?" that is false. See, I'm in this soul crushing club called Speech and Debate. I'm getting so fed up with it, I'm going to give you readers a look inside my life as a Debater. And I will post that today. So why am I up this early in the day writing about my the last hours of my summer vacation? I'm writing this because I'm exhausted and can't sleep, and because I'm worried sick about school.

What I have to do.
I have 2 days and a couple of hours to do the following so I won't be all worried and stressed out on Monday.

1. Finish the History Packet.
2. Type the 5 History short responses.
3. Write the "best of" list.
4. Write the huge essay on that 600 page collection of short stories and relate it to "modern day America"
5. Create the hate filled blog post about how much I hate Speech and Debate.
6. Write some stuff for The Sound Collection.
7. Get the rest of my school stuff.
8. Take advantage of my 25% off coupon.

Oh, by the way, I'm trying to do all of this stuff off of 5 hours of sollid sleep. I'm sore as heck, kind of mad, and stressed out. This is for sure not a good way to spend a Saturday. But you know what they say, Carpe Diem.

(I got 100 visitors, so I'm going to change my blog theme back to the way it was :)

Back on vacation.

I'm going back to camp. I should be really sore, but instead I'm really tired. I'm staying overnight and I'm kind of happy/not too happy that I am. I'm wearing my Superchunk shirt today and I know already that some kid "wont get it" I don't care though. There is a banquet dinner tonight and I hope that they wont serve Mexican food or Italian (I love your culture, but I always have Spaghetti or Tacos and I'm getting tired of it). I will be back on Sunday and I will write a real post then. See you later.

Not a good day for an academic vacation.

So this morning  I couldn't sleep. I had a dream that I was watching this play in Quebec and some French Canadian gangsters stabbed me in the kidneys. That was at 2:48 this morning. I couldn't sleep all night, so I just kind of looked at my blue wall until 5 this morning when I ate some breakfast and later brushed my teeth. I ran to my cabinet and took a White Wilow Bark Pill (the health foodie alternative to Advil) and some Ginger tablets to calm my nerves. I left at 6:45 and headed off to the University with my suitcase where I would spend all day wishing that I had more white willow and Advil to make the stabling pain in my back go away. Anyway, we had to do introductions and mine went something like this "Heeey. I'm SUPER happy to be here with you all and I hope I make some reaaaly cool friends here at camp :D" Just to say, my eyes were bloodshot like none's business and I was really pale. At snack time, I totally destroyed some chips and chex mix and had like 3 cups of lemonade. I don't really care of people thought that I was "high" because one, I don't care what people think of me, and I know that I wasn't high. I don't smoke.

I had some cold pizza for lunch. I guess the pizza was hot, but our campus tour took a little two long, so I had to eat it cold. Yeah, you might know that I'm kind of having a hard time being vegetarian, and I really wanted to have some chicken wings, but I know that those poor little chickens didn't want to become wings that a "cheating" vegatarian would eat.  So I just helped myself to some salad. It was quite good. I was the only one who took croutons.  I talked to some kids who were talking about what they did at school and I realized that these weren't the same kids that I met at band camp two weeks ago.  If these where the same kids at  band camp two weeks ago, then I wouldn't have a problem with them talking about "anime" but  I don't want to look like a jackwagon and talk about X-ray spex, or the Vivian Girls or even Patti Smith. I'll make it fine though (at least I hope so).

We left for the Amusement park around  5:30 and that wasn't too great because I remembered that I was missing the X games. It would be really nice if one of you blog readers told me who won BMX vert and Skate park final because I only seen part of those things. Whenever I close my eyes I see some guy doing a tre flip off a rail or something like that. If you have no idea what I just said, go on to the next paragraph.

Yeah, another vegetarian shock for me because I had to eat this awful mac and cheese at the amusement park (people from Colorado: what is the amusement park that charges you 20 dollars to get into? Yeah, I went to that one).  I'm happy that my mom brought me a veggie burrito for me to eat,  I just about had it with that pizza stuff. I could really use a Monster Energy drink right now. I might just pass out while typing this and its only  11:22 PM. So I'll end this soon.

I got home and I got a CD from rock camp! That means I got something new to review for my music blog. I would take it with me in the morning, but I just don't think that that would work out too well... Yeah I won't be here tomorrow because I'm staying the night. I'll be sure to write about all of the ridiculous things that we did at "academic camp" too. If anyone happens to see Cops, X-games 16, or any other TV that I shouldn't be watching anyway, tell me whats going on in a comment. I'll try to take a picture or three while I'm there.  I got the single room and everyone thinks that I'm "Lucky", but in reality, its quite cold and lonely. . . Yeah, might have to text a post about that... Yeah, I miss my blog already D:



So that's what I did today on my "academic vacation". Sorry if I had to go home and write about it. Here are two Patti Smith songs to listen to. They were kind of combining in my head today too. I think the Advil did it.

Patti Smith - Horses & Hey Joe


Patti Smith - Because The Night

On Vacation

I thought that it would be a good idea if I took an "academic vacation" at the college for the weekend, but I'm starting to regret it. I won't have time to watch tv (like I watch tv anyway), catch up on my sleep, or (most important) go on the internet. I'm kind of like "Why am I leaving..." but we will just have to wait and see how things are going to go. I'll have the auto post on so you guys can read some of my stuff that I wrote earlier in the week.  I'm writing off of the poll results, so vote in my polls! Anyway, see you later. I provided some links to click so you wont get bored :)

My Forum - Join us and bring my forum back from the dead! 

The Sound Collection -  My other blog on music. Bookmark it!

Papa's Pizzeria - Fun little pizza game.

20 Questions - Do I need to say more?

How to write a debate case that will get you to 3rd round at a National Qualifing Meet

I did this once. I don't know how I excatly did it, but I did do this. I got to third round at a National Qualifing meet although I was the last ranked in my catagory.  In other words, I kicked some serious tail that day.  I know that it's Summer, but I still can't get debate out of my mind. I was really thining about all of the other things that I could do, but thats a post for later. Just to let you all know, a Case is almost the same thing as a 2-10 long winded paragraph on any topic that the National Forensic League wants. This blog post is ment to be very sarcastic, and I'm sorry if I offended any other debaters out there. No, this is not a coppy of the speech that got me to the third round at nat qualls last season. Again, please don't take this seriosll

You can't write an essay without a topic, so my topic will be " Is it fair for Speech and Debaters to spend 12 hour days at Tournaments?"

Once you have your topic, you have to see if you want to start off writing your affirmative speech or negative speech. For times sake, I'm going to start off with my Affirmative speech. When writing both sides, remember not to put your own personal feelings into it. If you do that, then it will be easier for your opponent to attack you on a point such as "Biased to personal opinion" or "Being a Republican", and we really don't want that to happen...

To start off the speech, you want a touchy quote by some famous foreign dead guy.  If the guy is famous, then your stupid judge can know who he is, if the guy is from a far away place, then he must be important, and last, if a guy said this quote, then they would also give you bonus points because guys are just ideal right?  My quote will be by Frederick Ophiner (Get it? This guy isn't real! hah, this is already sounding smart!): "The one who speaks the most, deserves the best competition. " That sounds good right? 

How can you do Lincoln Douglas Debate if you don't have a value? Well, you can't. I tried it and I lost (by two points! Not a bad deal). When you pick out your values, you want to have a Core Value. A Core Value is the CORE of your case. If you have no CORE value, then you are just screwed.  My core value will be Anti Choice, because debaters don't choose their own destiny. How? How don't they choose their destiny? You explain that later. The little value criterion (if you want to be a hot shot, call it "criterion") is just a sitting duck. You use little VC when you want to whip your smarty pants opponent in your last speech, but that isn't important right now.

Lets move on to the real meat of the case: the Contention. Your contentions is where you go all out crazy in any way possible to prove your point.  Contentions should be filled with as much evidence as you can put in them. I seen (well heard) some kid with 10 contentions in their case (not a lie). I had to go up against them too and man was I screwed. To prove my point. Just put as much junk in the contentions as you want to. The more the better.

At the end, you should say " I see nothing other than an Affirmitive ballot". It strikes fear in your opponent and plus, it makes you look pretty cool too. This is what your case should look like if you took all of my recommendations:

Aff Case:

A wise man by the name of  Frederick Ophiner once said "The one who speaks the most, deserves the best competition." I fully agree with this quote and I stand in FULL affirmation of the topic Is it fair for Speech and Debaters to spend 12 hour days at Tournaments?

Let me now present my values:
My Core value is Anti-Thought and my Criterion is Lack of Sleep.

Contentions:
Contention 1:People don't need sleep.
Subpoint A: I am an example. (use subpoints to sound flashy! Use them often!)
Subpoint B:
Subpoint C:
Subpoint D:
Contention 2: You can sleep when you are dead.
Subpoint A: I'm an example too.
Subpoint B:
Subpoint C: More BS statistics.
Subpoint D: (you get the point right?)

Remember to close things off with: I can see nothing other than an Affirmative ballot.

That's it.  That is how you write an award winning case. I still don't know why I do this every weekend while I'm in school.

What I should be doing right now.

I'm kind of bored right now, so I'm going to list the things that I should be doing right now. Hopefully, this will serve as a list so I can start to do these things whenever I get bored in the next few days. And to make it fun, I'm going to see how many of these things I can do in a whole day. Its fun, and I get something done too!

1. Write blog post on all the things that I did on my "to - do" list.
2. Finish writing post about my music collection on "The Sound Collection".
3. Write Birthday wish list.
4. Go outside and do something before it gets too dark.
5. Buy skateboard wheels before winter. 
6. Buy 3 pairs of new pants.
7. Get a Le Tigre CD and dance to it.
8. Get Mika Miko's C.Y.S.L.A.B.F CD and blog about it.
9. Buy some Cd's off of mail order.
10. Buy something from of K Records and blog about it.
11. Buy something from 4AD Records and blog about it. 
12. Upload new CD's that I got for free.
13. Finish that darn summer reading book by next week so I can be like "Yeah! I finished my summer reading early :D"
14. Finish that darn History homework so I can be like "Yeah! I finished my summer homework early!"
15. Take more naps/sleep late/get to bed early.
16. E-mail friend and and update them on stuff thats going on.
17. Try to update my blog theme.
18. Read another 3 books this summer.
19. "Try" to hang out with my friends before they go to school.
20. Go Skateboarding.
21. Start packing for weekend trip.
22. Finish the patches I started making.
23. Start making bracelets from my old broken belt.
24. Buy a new belt/get a new belt buckle.
25. Think about new hair cut and get it.
26. Buy two or three pairs of shoes. 
27. Play my guitar more.
28. Finish that song I started writing earlier this summer.
29. Write a journal entry.
30. Write a blog entry.

Yeah, I know that I won't get all of this done in one day, but it is still worth a try. I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

What I did at band practice: Day 6

It's the last day of camp :'( But I wasn't too sad because we KILLED it at the gig today! I had fun. Trying to dance was my favorite part. The dance party was awesome, and I don't' care if I can't dance very well. I'm very sore right now; its hard to walk, my knee hurts, and my left arm is sore ( I really don't know how I'm typing right now). I think today's high temperature was 104 degrees outside. The church didn't have air conditioning, and the fans weren't helping the room cool down. The theater wasn't too bad because it was dark, but it was still really hot in there. I went through two bottles of water, but everything worked out fine. I was kind of hungry half way though, (I just can't eat one slice of pizza! That isn't possible!) Anyway, I can't tell you what I did on the stage. I was in my own "zen" state and I was just going with the song. You know what? When I'm in my "zone" I just do what I have to do, so it's a good feeling. Heck, I don't' even know when things started. All I know is that we all kicked some butt today and I'm proud of everyone there. This experience was awesome, and I can't wait for next year :)

I'm working on my American Apparel rant for tomorrow. Its going to be epic.

What I did at band practice: Day 5

The last full day of band practice before the big gig! If this was the Friday before any debate meet, I would be wigging out. It's diffrent this time because it isn't my friends basement, or someones backyard birthday party. This gig is on a stage and this gig has bright lights. This wont be a coffee shop, and it isnt'a school band concert. This is legit. I don't know how I really feel, its a mix of hyper and kind of nervous. I don't do too much during the song (wait, I do some playing) but the solo/bridge/breakdown is where it really is at.  If the drummer keeps up, then I'll be fine, if they don't keep up I'll be going on my own beat and will most likely be screwed (but I should be able to fight through the errors). Another thing, if our vocalist forgets the second verse...then we go to the bridge. You know what I do, I'm off in my own guitar world spacing out and focusing on the 2 harmonizing cords that I play, and then its like... BAM! Play the solo! Play it! annd I end up over thinking my simple solo. Ok, enough of me talking, let me do the run down thing:

800-9:ish: Get there and mindless chatter on something that I don't remember (well I really just forgot it, but it should pop into my head later)
10:00-12:00:  Practice #1
1:00 - 5 ish: Practcice #2

Not a lot right? The less stuff we do , the better I feel. But the longer we do it, the more tired I get. Looks like I'm not watching South Park today... Friday 5 will be around later, and I will also update my other blog too.

What I did at band practice: Day 4

We are (semi) famous! Our gig got in a newspaper, so even more people will most likely show up for the show! Like I said, I'm really glad that we are going last. I need to get around my stage fright, but I think I can do that in about a day or two. All of our songs are sounding solid as ever, and my solo keeps changing, but thats fine, whenever I change it, it always sounds better than it did the first time. Everyone is excited, I am too, but yes, I'm kind of nervous. Who wouldn't be? I'm "fine" but I wish it over, but I'd feel even better if it was over.

Here is what we did today
8:00: Arrive at friends house
9:00-12:00: Practice!
12:00: Lunch
1:00-3:00: More Practice
4-15:4:30: Break
4:30-5:00: Even more practice.

We keep doing less and less! That's great. Like I said, I just want this to be over and done with so I can get back to having my "free time" over summer vacation. Oh, we can't decide on what to wear. I'm going to do what I always do: T - shirt, Jeans, and sneakers. They can do whatever they want to, but I already know what I want to do. We will work it out tomorrow.

Yes, I will be posting my "Friday 5" tomorrow, no matter what time I get home.

What I did at band practice: Day 3

So we got something done today! We only have 3 days left until the gig and I'm starting to get nervous. The solo is bangin as normal, and the band is starting to get the songs down like paste on paper. Our band is going last though, so we are not that nervous about playing. Practice today was kind of weird because we spent the better part of an hour "discussing" song structure. I hope that we can actually jam and make our songs "solid" tomorrow, because if we don't, we are gong to be screwed.

Once again, here is the hourly breakdown.

8:00: Friends house
9:00 - 11:00: Practice
12:00: Lunch time
1:00 - 3:45: More practice time.
4:15 - 5:00: Practice with talking.



I might be kicking myself later, but I gave our tab to our band manager. The crazy thing is that they play music, (in a band) and it could be a hit! I might be getting ahead of myself, but its ok. All I care about is getting credit for writing part of it (ie. the solo). If  I get credit, then I'm fine with it.

I think that this is my entry for the day, I got to change some songs around (again). I'll be here tomorrow.

What I did at band practice: Day One

So not too long ago, my friend called me and said that we have a gig on the 17th of July. I thought that "It wouldn't be too bad, I'll just practice a little bit and just take the rest of the days off until the day of the gig where we can practice more". I just happy that my band mates scheduled practice for all of this week. The bad part is that its 9 hours long. Yes,  think that I will be burnt out by the end of the week. Here is the run-down of what I did today:
8:00: Arvie at friends house
9:00: Talk about song writing. Start to write songs.
10:00 - 11:00: Jam session. Try to synchronize music lyrics and the rest of our music.
12:00: Lunch break.
1:00 - 2:00: Another jam session.
3:00: Break.
3:45 - 4:15: Song writing (again) and Jam session to "review" songs.
4:15 - 5:00: Talk time and then time to go home.
I don't know what were going to do tomorrow, but I'm sure it will be great. I'll tell you guys about it too.  We will (try) to make shirts and things to sell later in the week, so I can't wait for that either.

Be sure to come back every day this week, I'll keep posting about my trials and tribulations.

Typical summer conversation with friends.

Summer is bad enough for me this year, I think I have a little too much on my plate. I have a month left of college classes (I'm getting ahead), band practice all next week, and volunteer work. I guess I got the brilliant idea to contact all of my friends and ask "Hey, want to do something next week?". It doesn't sound bad when you think about it, there is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends and talking, or doing whatever you  do with friends, but the conversation always ends up like this:

Me:Want to go to the park or something this week?
Friend:Oh sure! What day?
Me:I was thinking Wednesday because I get off early.
Friend:Oh, I can't do Wednesday. I have plans with some kid that you don't know.
Me:(Takes a deep breath and remembers "happy place") Ok,well, how about Saturday?
Friend:No, I'll be out of town for the weekend.
Me:Alright, fine. Are you going to be in town any time time next week?
Friend:I should be :)

So then I wait a week, or two, or three. Then I got kind of mad:

Me:So, are we going to go to that one place?
Friend:What one place?
Me:The park? The bowling alley? The skate park?
Friend:Well, I can't D:
Me:(Holding back extreme anger) Why can't you? I waited a week or three and you give me the same answer!
Friend:Sorry :( I'll be here all next week if you want to hang out.
Me: Oh, I have plans. (Or, I don't want to hang out because you don't want to hang out with me.)

I think my friends are avoiding me. I'm not lame or anything like that, I love having fun. I just like to have fun in odd ways. One time, I asked another one of my friends if they wanted to  go to the independent movie theatre in town. They said "yes", and I really couldn't wait. Then when the day came around they call me and say "I can't go today, I'm grounded." Then I look on Facebook an hour or so later,  and my news feed says "I loved the amusement park today! Movies tomorrow :)"  If I had my way, I'd go to that other movie theater and sit right behind them and pour buttered popcorn on their sorry head. Of course I wouldn't do that, but what's stopping me?

Either way, my vacation is half over. I know whats going to happen in about 2 months:
Friend:Want to go to the movies this weekend?
Me:No sorry, I told you I'm working.
Friend:Oh, we never hang out. We should see each other more.
Me:I tried this summer, you "never had the time", or you went to the movies with your "other" friend.
Friend:...That's right.
Me:By the way, you missed my birthday.
Friend:Happy (late) Birthday!
Me:Sorry, I don't do the "late" birthday thing. Guess you have to wait 'till next year :)

I'm not a needy friend, but I recommend this article for further reading.

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