Back from vacation (sort of).

I've been on vacation for the past week, and I really didn't want to blog because I needed a break. So I still have a week left of vacation, and I thought that I would blog about some of my thoughts over vacation. Today, I'm going to talk about how insecure I feel about my future.

I'm feeling kind of worn out because I got finals and a new debate topic to worry about when I get back to school. I haven't taken a whack on my mountain of homework, and I can't sleep at night. I'm starting to go back into drinking coffee (one cup a day, with whipped cream). I really need a job, but I know that I won't be able to get one until summer when people go on vacation. My current band is about to break down and dissolve and I'm kind of worried about that too, I could just go back to being a solo artist, but I can't find the time in my "Blocked out" schedule. As you can see, I have too much to do without the time to do it.

I really felt like doing something yesterday, but I turned on my stereo and slept on the floor for a good 2 hours. I then sat in front of the TV and played Wii for 3 hours to forget about my life for a while. That was ok for a while, but when I had 3 nightmares in a row, I knew something was wrong. I've been up off and on for 6 hours and I'm somewhat scared to go back to sleep. If I can't sleep, than I won't be able to get my homework done.

This might just be circular thinking, but it is just hard to calm my brain down sometimes. When I can't calm my brain down, I usually stay up very late trying to make up for lost time, and then sleep when I almost pass out from doing too much work. Some people call me a procrastinator, but others call me a perfectionist; none of these are true. I'd rather call myself someone who works too much and get nothing in return. I came to realize that if I relax and calmly do my work, then I do get the good things in return, like 5th place. I'll see what I can do during the week to make everything as painless as possible. To top it off, I promised myself that I would be done with everything before Friday night.