I get what I want (finally).

I wory a lot. But I guess that that is a good thing. I wory about the people I care about and sometimes the people I care about think that this is a "needy" trait. I don't really care though, because this "worrying" is quite my thing.

So why the worry talk? Today, I guess I could say that this worrying payed off. Because I got what I wanted. When you wory about a person on and off for long peroids of time, you wonder a lot if you will ever hear from them again, and I got what I wanted.

Now, I can't be greedy. I can't take what I got for granted. I got this for a reason and I need to do the best thing by saying something back. But the question is, "What the hell do I say?".  Should I go for casual? "Hey, whats up?" or is that too laid back? Or should I just go for the formal one "Hello. Haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" I hope that doesn't sound too standoffish. If that fails, I have the tired and true, my trademark, "Joke greeting"; "So I was about to call a search party because I haven't heard from you in ages." "Welcome to the future! How was the alternate reality you've came from?" I might not do that.

Well, I got to say this soon, so I'm just going to use this: "Hey! How are you? It's been a while." That's great. That's fine, I'm not doing anything else.

Hopefully, I won't have to do the "Oh my God, I'm about to faint if I don't hear anything soon" post, but I'm prepared if I have to.

Almost Vegetarian, Fully Hungry; Thanksgiving Edition.

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This is part two of my vegetarian blogging series, feel free to read part one. 

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have made the decision to not eat vegetarian for the day. I realized that turkey was too good to eat, and most of the stuff that my family makes for thanksgiving has some type of meat in it (i.e. gravy, bits of turkey, chicken stock, little bits of ham.) Just think, I cant pick around little bits of ham in green beans, and even if I tried to, then it would take me 3 whole hours to eat.
Now, just because I'll eat a little turkey tomorrow, doesn't mean I'm giving up on being a vegetarian. For the most part, my plate will be composed of 20% mashed potatoes, 20% green beans, 20% mac &; cheese, 20% Desert, 10% Drink and 5% turkey. Because I know that I will feel guilt driven when I eat the turkey tomorrow, I'll just have to combine foods to eat with the turkey so I won't taste it as much. I might go for the turkey-cranberry sauce- mashed potato and gravy duo.

Don't talk to me about Tofurky. See, I got some 2 months ago and left it in my freezer. This week, when I was looking for it, I realized that it was expired. Now, dont be a fool and eat expired tofu product kids. I have done it once, and it was quite good, but I didn't want to take my chances on the greatest food day ever, Thanksgiving.

I think that there should be a term for vegetarians who have to eat meat sometimes, because I have to. The main reason why I had to stop being a vegetarian was because I needed protein. I guess the protein shakes weren't' doing their part.

Even though I don't really want to eat turkey this year, I guess I should to keep myself healthy. And just to gain back the vegetarian points that I lost, I'm going to do something good for the earth tomorrow by not going to the store and getting involved in the insane madness that is Black Friday.

It doesn't add up.

The red bumps are gone, and I'm not feeling malice as much as I did this time last week, but that seems like nothing compared to the other things that I have encountered.

I got a cough, but it isn't that "normal" cough that one might get while having a cold. It's borderline "hacking crap up" cough and "I got acute bronchitis cough". I'm kind of weary of doctors, but if I keep the same cough until Friday, then I'm going. I can't stay up for too long, I can't really eat, and I'm more tired than normal. This is bad enough, but I guess my teacher wants me to fail math.

I never was good at math, but I always passed with a D+ or even a C- if I got lucky. But my teacher was gone for about 2 weeks, and our 3 subs told us that some papers were due while others were not. I finished all of these papers, and I did every thing on those papers. When the week before last week came around, our teacher came back and told us that our papers were due. Not a big deal. But the paper that I did a half- ass job on was the one that was worth the most points. We have to get the paper checked by our teacher, and then we open a "treasure chest" and get a candy. Bull. I'm pragmatic, and I have to say that I'm not opening a damn treasure chest to get a reward for doing nothing. So I'm not. But that is a problem though.

That brings me to today. I've been emailing my teacher about my illness and how I really can't do my homework because I can't do too much of anything. They agreed to give me 5 days to turn in my makeup homework (or in other words, do that over break.) Then I remembered about my test tomorrow.

If I don't do good on the test tomorrow, I will be failing the class. That is nothing new to me, I can take failure with a grain of sugar. But this time its different. I dont' want to fail math. I really don't. Although I don't have a need for math in my chosen career path, it would just be nice to have some self confidence about my math skills.

I'm not an underachiever, and I hate when people think that I am one. It is going to be hard, but I'm going to try my best to get a C by the end of the year. I kind of know that I won't but then again, why not try?

Aches and Pains

Last week or so, I started to see red bumps on my legs. They were all around my thighs, but not on my calfs or anything. At the debate meet this weekend, I couldn't stop itching my collar bone. It might just have been the shirt, but I still wasn't sure. When I got home, it looked like a rash, and I wasn't to concerned.

Then yesterday I lost my voice (a little). I thought that this was just from talking for 10 hours, but again I still don't know where it came from. 9ish yesterday night; my throat was super sore, and I couldn't swallow. This morning, I couldn't sleep and I think I had a fever because I was sweating so much. I kind of threw up this morning and I couldn't really stand up straight. I don't know why, but I went to all of my hard classes today. Just my luck, I forgot my homework on my desk. I almost passed out 3 times this morning and my skin hurt to  the touch. I just felt awefull.

I got home and I took some meds, and I took a hour and 30 minute nap. I felt better after that. I'm working on going to bed early so no more blogging for now.

I wish I had something to say

I wish I had something to say. I can't write about my life because nothing has been happening! To be honest, I've been apathetic towards most stuff, but I've been setting my mind for Friday because that day will be EPIC (well, if it 'aint epic, then I'll make it epic).

The weather is changing and I'm not ready. I still think that it is summer but, that is just me. I dont like wearing sweaters and overcoat and slipping on ice, and drinking room temperature water in a cold house. Sometimes, I think I should move to someplace warm but if I did that, then I will miss seeing snow fall.

Then, I'm kind of sad because I left my heart with someone 8 months ago and I really want to just see them again. I'm always thinking about if they are feeling good, or if their day is going well, or even if they are thinking about me! I guess you have to love someone from afar to understand my feelings right now. I can't do anything, It is like a really long stalemate in chess, you wait for the next move, but when you move you realize that nothing is going to work. Things will work though, I'm sure of it. I just need to get that self doubting voice that tells me "no" all of the time out of my head.

I guess I did have something to say after all. It just took me a while to say it.

Debate and wasabi don't mix.

Yesterday was my first debate meet of the year. I've been volunteering with the new members in October to get them ready for November, which is varsity season. Yesterday was our first varsity meet of the year, but I chose not to debate. I did do student congress as my alternative event. Why did I do this? Well, we started doing our cases last week and I realized that I was not going to win anything this week with a half done case (I seen this happen though, but I rather be safe than sorry).

When the day was over around 7:00 I ranked up a nomination and a pretty cool yellow ribbon. Not a bad day.  By then, I was up for a pretty savory 15 hours. I was then notified of a pizza party half way across town. I was going to go but then I remembered that my friend wanted me to go to this concert at 8:00. Realizing that I couldn't fly across town, I had to decline even though I really wanted to go.

When I got home, I enjoyed some vegetarian sushi and a veggie bowl. Out of absentmindedness I put soy sauce on wasabi and ate it straight. I then was crying on my floor for a good 15 minutes due to my nasal cavities being blown. 

I then went to bed and got up at 12:30  and watched some movie on TV. I then slept and ate a pop tart for breakfast.

It might just be me, but I think my life is starting to get duller. It feels like I'm stuck doing the same old thing every day, or every weekend. I might need something to look forward to. I might need to find some weekday concerts to go to. But whatever I do, I'm going to enjoy today first.

What to do about anger.

I haven't been too happy lately. I've been mad for the last couple of days and I really dont' know why I've been feeling like this. Normally I get mad, let things blow over, and move on. But now it's like I want to punch people iin the face for disagreeing with me, break things, throw things out windows, smash windows, and wreck stuff. I haven't done any of that yet..

I don't know what is stoping me from breaking stuff, but I'm kind of happy that I've haven't gotten in trouble. I wouldn't know what I would do if I got stuck between a rock and a hard place.


I think I need to find better outlets and things to do when I  get mad. Right now, listening to music hasn't really been helping. You know, you can only listen to happy songs for so long before they begin to stop. I tried punching soft things, but my right wrist is getting kind of weak and I really can't do to much with it.  I don't play my guitar or write when I'm mad because I realize that I might break my guitar! I don't want to do that!

I might get back into painting, or writing. I used to be really into these things a couple of years ago, but I just had to slowly quit because I just don't have the time to do it. I think that I need to find a job soon because I'm kind of tired of scraping up money from random places, and to be honest, I'm tired of doing odd jobs.

I'm going to go to bed now. I might not be getting enough sleep, but I really don't know what I want anymore.  I'll try to write some tomorrow, I'm staying late, so I'll try to sneak in a little bit of something.