Thoughts over coffee.

I didn't blog yesterday because I was so tired and fatigued from staying up late on Monday. As normal, I had to miss another concert due to me being tired, so I'm sorry if you really wanted to read about my life and all of that.

I haven't been doing too much today. I got up super late (around noon) and wrote 75% of my debate case. Whenever I'm on vacation, I have to do something because if I don't, I don't get enough sleep and when I don't get enough sleep, I sit on the couch all day and watch my DVD's and sleep. Hopefully, I won't be up late into the night doing homework because I'm worried.

It is might snow tomorrow, and I'm kind of happy if it does snow, but then again, I really had plans to go out and buy some CD's, albums, and some food (ice cream). I might still go out in it because no one will be out on a cold, snowy day in Denver.

I'm growing increasingly creative with the food in my home. Instead of making one cup of coffee, I make a whole batch of coffee that will last me 4-6 hours. Instead of baking "cookies" I put all of the dough into one pan, bake it, and then take a share of the batch. I think that I might be getting "stir crazy" because I haven't been out of the house in quite a long time.

Last night, I was kind of sad and I didn't know why. I started to drift asleep and out of nowhere, I think about how I got dumped by my best friend for my other good friend and how I cussed them out and made them cry. I couldn't sleep for too long after that. I opened my curtain and looked at the stars from my bed and fell asleep some time later. When I got up, I realized that I might have PTSD. No, I'm not saying that I "Have PTSD because I read the symptoms online" I am saying that I am highly likely to have it because I got over major depression about 2 years ago.

I got 150 dollars for Christmas, and I did want to spend most of it on CD's and things, but I'm really thinking about going to my Physiologist. I haven't gone in about a year or so, but I think that I need to. I can't tell my friends or family "I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking about all of the terrifying things that happened to me". I really can't. When I was depressed, everyone thought it was just a "phase" that I was going through and I would "get over it" sooner or later. I did get over it, but it took months of off and on medications, 2 psychologists (my parental didn't like one of them), transferring schools at in the most important time of my life, dealing with the fact that I would never see my friends again, getting bullied everyday, and just adapting to a new place. Sometimes I don't want to explain all of the stuff that I've gone through, but I know that one person would listen to me and that was my psychologist.

I don't know if I'm up for going though because I don't want to talk about the past 24 months in about a hour. I think that I might just chicken out like all of the other times when something important is about to to happen. I think it's time to do