Aches and Pains

Last week or so, I started to see red bumps on my legs. They were all around my thighs, but not on my calfs or anything. At the debate meet this weekend, I couldn't stop itching my collar bone. It might just have been the shirt, but I still wasn't sure. When I got home, it looked like a rash, and I wasn't to concerned.

Then yesterday I lost my voice (a little). I thought that this was just from talking for 10 hours, but again I still don't know where it came from. 9ish yesterday night; my throat was super sore, and I couldn't swallow. This morning, I couldn't sleep and I think I had a fever because I was sweating so much. I kind of threw up this morning and I couldn't really stand up straight. I don't know why, but I went to all of my hard classes today. Just my luck, I forgot my homework on my desk. I almost passed out 3 times this morning and my skin hurt to  the touch. I just felt awefull.

I got home and I took some meds, and I took a hour and 30 minute nap. I felt better after that. I'm working on going to bed early so no more blogging for now.

I wish I had something to say

I wish I had something to say. I can't write about my life because nothing has been happening! To be honest, I've been apathetic towards most stuff, but I've been setting my mind for Friday because that day will be EPIC (well, if it 'aint epic, then I'll make it epic).

The weather is changing and I'm not ready. I still think that it is summer but, that is just me. I dont like wearing sweaters and overcoat and slipping on ice, and drinking room temperature water in a cold house. Sometimes, I think I should move to someplace warm but if I did that, then I will miss seeing snow fall.

Then, I'm kind of sad because I left my heart with someone 8 months ago and I really want to just see them again. I'm always thinking about if they are feeling good, or if their day is going well, or even if they are thinking about me! I guess you have to love someone from afar to understand my feelings right now. I can't do anything, It is like a really long stalemate in chess, you wait for the next move, but when you move you realize that nothing is going to work. Things will work though, I'm sure of it. I just need to get that self doubting voice that tells me "no" all of the time out of my head.

I guess I did have something to say after all. It just took me a while to say it.

Debate and wasabi don't mix.

Yesterday was my first debate meet of the year. I've been volunteering with the new members in October to get them ready for November, which is varsity season. Yesterday was our first varsity meet of the year, but I chose not to debate. I did do student congress as my alternative event. Why did I do this? Well, we started doing our cases last week and I realized that I was not going to win anything this week with a half done case (I seen this happen though, but I rather be safe than sorry).

When the day was over around 7:00 I ranked up a nomination and a pretty cool yellow ribbon. Not a bad day.  By then, I was up for a pretty savory 15 hours. I was then notified of a pizza party half way across town. I was going to go but then I remembered that my friend wanted me to go to this concert at 8:00. Realizing that I couldn't fly across town, I had to decline even though I really wanted to go.

When I got home, I enjoyed some vegetarian sushi and a veggie bowl. Out of absentmindedness I put soy sauce on wasabi and ate it straight. I then was crying on my floor for a good 15 minutes due to my nasal cavities being blown. 

I then went to bed and got up at 12:30  and watched some movie on TV. I then slept and ate a pop tart for breakfast.

It might just be me, but I think my life is starting to get duller. It feels like I'm stuck doing the same old thing every day, or every weekend. I might need something to look forward to. I might need to find some weekday concerts to go to. But whatever I do, I'm going to enjoy today first.

What to do about anger.

I haven't been too happy lately. I've been mad for the last couple of days and I really dont' know why I've been feeling like this. Normally I get mad, let things blow over, and move on. But now it's like I want to punch people iin the face for disagreeing with me, break things, throw things out windows, smash windows, and wreck stuff. I haven't done any of that yet..

I don't know what is stoping me from breaking stuff, but I'm kind of happy that I've haven't gotten in trouble. I wouldn't know what I would do if I got stuck between a rock and a hard place.


I think I need to find better outlets and things to do when I  get mad. Right now, listening to music hasn't really been helping. You know, you can only listen to happy songs for so long before they begin to stop. I tried punching soft things, but my right wrist is getting kind of weak and I really can't do to much with it.  I don't play my guitar or write when I'm mad because I realize that I might break my guitar! I don't want to do that!

I might get back into painting, or writing. I used to be really into these things a couple of years ago, but I just had to slowly quit because I just don't have the time to do it. I think that I need to find a job soon because I'm kind of tired of scraping up money from random places, and to be honest, I'm tired of doing odd jobs.

I'm going to go to bed now. I might not be getting enough sleep, but I really don't know what I want anymore.  I'll try to write some tomorrow, I'm staying late, so I'll try to sneak in a little bit of something.

First day of Vacation plus thoughts.

My week long vacation starts now. I'm going to post the things that I've been holding off posting for various reasons, and I will also be sitting down at my desk refreshing my blog stats and seeing what I can improve on. So if you haven't already, check that out now.

I'm kind of concerned (no wait, really concerned) that I'm going to lock myself in my house, play my guitar, sleep for 3 days straight, and probably won't do anything until Thursday when I noticed that I slept the week away.  I'm starting to worry that I'm going back into those "dark ages" where everything wasn't the way it was now, and when I really wasn't the person I am now. I think that I just need to write it all down and talk about it because all the things that I want to say are swirling around in my head like a almost done smoothie.

I might bring back the "What I did" series on vacation because I honestly don't know what to do over vacation. If I do block out what I do over vacation, then I can try extra hard to get something done over vacation, so you guys have something nice to look at.  I think that my life is kind of like a 3 paragraph essay on repeat "I did this, then I did this, and then I went to bed". That's all. That all I do. But I'm sure that I'm not just a "person with a routine life"; I only do the same things on vacation.

I guess that I really want to talk to someone. That's all. I'm just lonely. I just want to talk to my friends and just say "Dude, can you just forget about everything that is going on in your life and talk to me for 15 minutes?". I'm sure that someone would say "Yeah, I have time to talk for 15 minutes. What do I do all day anyway?". The differentiating factor is that I don't want to tell my life story to everyone that I talk to. I told myself that I don't want others sympathy, I want others to tell me what to do right now because I frankly don't know how to do it myself.

I have 200 dollars that I have saved over the past 3 months. No, it isn't going to education, but to other things that I find more important right now. I know that I'm going to buy some things that I need and buy some more guitar picks because I've been playing with the same one since July.  I need to pay for my shrink visit, but they might wave it for me because they know I'm broke and I really need someone to talk to. (Handy tip: Shrinks  won't charge you for "verbal" therapy, or "e-mail" therapy. Milk out their morals and use it to your advantage.). They might even let me go to the park with their 125 pound Golden Retriever (btw, that dog weighs more than I do!!). I guess if no one else want's to talk to me, the dog will show some concern. 

I kind of already know that I'm going to go to bed disappointed tonight. I don't every night, but what else do you do when everyone else is having "fun" and you don't even know what "fun" is anymore? I'm going to do something now, I'm not sure what it is, but I'll be sure to tell you all about it tomorrow.