My day in metaphor.

I really don't want to tell you about my day, but I do want to tell you about how I feel. Instead, I'm going to talk about my day in metaphors. This should be classified as an Allegory because I'm writing about my day in a long metaphor. I had to throw some similes in here because I just couldn't get the verb tenses Alright, I'll stop being technical (if you are sensitive to the "F word" don't read the end of the 4th paragraph).

It was colder than any negative degree this morning in my room. The alarm that woke me chirped like a fire alarm, rattling every nerve inside of me. My body was thick and had a mud like composure. Today was not a day to seek out. The sky was still black, similar to looking up at space. Everything was space, just vast, cold, still and unreal.

No medicine this morning, my wrist was ok. The pain in my nerves drifted away just like breezes do in mid August. The cereal was crisp and sweet just like candy canes from 2 months ago. Soon after, the warm water on my face did little to lighten my spirit. The sun is what could lighten my day. The sun could cut the chains off my ankles and feet and give me wings to fly and to reach all of the goals that were on the highest shelf on the highest part of my highest thinking. To my dismay it was still dark outside.

I got ready for my day, and then left after that. No one told me that it was an optional day, and that I didn't have to leave early and brave ice and snow to get to class on time. No one was there, only 1/3 of the class. It was more or less empty today; just like my thoughts today.

I sent a text message again, and guess what? Still haven't' heard anything. I then resorted to my one "safe" mentality: "Fuck everything, Fuck you, Fuck this, Fuck that, I'm done." and then I quit caring. The rest of the day was suspended animation; all eyes and no words, no words and no pain. My head started to spin while the world just stayed stationary.

I drifted home, and then drifted to bed. I stayed there for a while and my thoughts drifted back to the mentality that I set in my head earlier. I realized that I can't keep up with this negative streak. I have to stay positive no mater how mad I get.

It feels like I'm loosing everything, and I wish I could go back to yesterday when I was meandering though my day. The pills brought me down into a deep calm, almost like downing in a deep conferable sea. Although I was only on a mild pain killer, the pain sure did go away for a week. I guess the medicine was the placebo. I needed to take something to feel better, and I need to replace the bad feelings inside. No matter how I put it, I know that things will get worse before they get better and when they do get better, I probably won't feel as bad as I did today.